What I know

What I know about thinking, feeling, believing, knowing and being.

These words are all used in similar ways.  We can say, "I think that my life is full of unseen opportunities."  Or we may say, "I feel that there are doors opening for me." Or we might say, "I believe that God is presenting a unique opportunity to me."  Or, " I know that I am surrounded by an infinite array of creative possibilities."  Or finally, "I am aware that I am in the midst of infinite potentiality."   

These statements all seem to express the same essential idea, but they are different. The differing verbs connote different loci of control.

Thinking is an intellectual accomplishment.  The locus of my thoughts is in my brain, and my thoughts are MY thoughts.  They are the product of my intellectual process and there is ownership and pride involved.  There is also a kind of vulnerability to me thought. Sometimes they are such elaborate contrivances that are in danger of toppling under their own weight, or crumbling in the fragile complexity of their own construction.  And they are fragile because they can be assailed by the conflicting thoughts of others who think differently. When we say "I think..." We open ourselves to "I think not."

Believing an act of will.  It's locus is usually in some external authoritative doctrine or hierarchy. It seems safer than thinking because it is not the product of my own intellect, but rather the collective position of a body of believers.  And so it seems less vulnerable to attack.  We feel safer in believing because we belong to an army of the faithful who support our belief internally and defend if from outside attack. Beliefs have stood the test of time and so seem less fragile than mere thinking. Beliefs are safe because it is difficult to refute a belief.  It cannot be challenged logically as thinking can be.  But it is really a relinquishment of responsibility; a deference to an external locus of authority.  

Feeling is an emotional response.  It's locus is in the gut; in the witch's brew of hormones and stomach acids and physiology of our bodies in the mash-pit of human interaction. Feelings are most certainly our own, and the nice thing about it is that most people are somewhat respectful of that fact and willing to let us have them.  Oh, it's true that we might meet with, "You shouldn't feel that way."  But what can anyone do about.  All they can do is feel differently.  But their feelings are separate from our own.

I've chosen to use the word "know."  I'm saying what I know about God, and Jesus and Love.  The locus of knowing is more omnipresent. It is somewhere in the interface of the knower and the known.  It is a synthesis of objective and subjective realities.  Of course "knowing" can be a disguise for "thinking" or "believing."   I certainly do think many things and I have chosen to believe some things as well.  Now and then I even feel something.  But what I am expressing now is what I know.  "Knowing" can connote an arrogance, but I don't intend it that way.  It is just that there are some things that have settled into my being as knowledge.  I’m not working them anymore as I once did.  I’m not thinking hard about them, or struggling with my emotions, or fighting my doubts.

It might be better to talk about "being aware" of certain things. The use of the "being verb" is the most profound way of stating things.  With it we are taking about who we are, not just a thought or feeling or belief that we hold.   Plus it sounds less egocentric than "knowing."  But linguistically it is less firm, so I'll say "I know."  My use of this language includes "I am aware of..."  

What I know about God

I know that God is alive; the liveliest being imaginable. God exuberantly lives out His life in every nook and cranny of time and space. (I'll alternate between using the male and female gender in speaking about God. I know God as a personal being, so saying "God" all the time instead of "He" or "She" just doesn't feel right.)  God is not the immovable, static All.  He got off the pot. He made up His mind. God is volitional, He makes choices.  He made the primal choice of self-giving.  The light of absolute, definite and defined goodness shone in the darkness of chaotic, and arbitrary relativity and it was good.

I know that God is a person.  Not a human-like person; not a projection of our personhood with all of it's jealousies and ambitions.  But a person in that He has personality and character.  He is the self-defining One.  Human personality is the most amazing and complex and beautiful thing that I know on the face of the earth.  By definition God is the transcendent reality; the realm of reality above and beyond us. So it is self-evident that the reality of God is at least as amazing and complex and beautiful as our human reality; at least as personal as our human personality.

God created evil; not explicitly, but implicitly. In choosing Being, She implicitly rejected non-being. In choosing goodness, She left unchosen, but implicitly defined, evil.  She is like an artist defining a shape upon her canvas.  In the process of giving form to her creation, she also defines the negative shape that is occupied of the area of the canvas that is untouched by Her creative intent.  

God is not the judge; She is always merciful and gracious and life-affirming. We judge ourselves as we accept or reject Her unconditional love.

What I know about Jesus

Jesus was God embodied, not because he was so different from the rest of humanity, but because he was so very much the same.  It is his identity with humanity that defines his divinity. He is the Son of Man.  He is the incarnate God because he so empathized, so identified, so embraced all that is human; he became the one in whom any, and all humans may find acceptance.  He offered himself, his body as a place for all to come into one with God. He opened himself to all that is appears beautiful and all that seems ugly in the human condition, and demonstrated that it is all acceptable unto God.  His death and resurrection are the demonstration that the leaden energy of evil is transmuted into pure gold in the caldron of suffering love.

He was sinless because he trusted in the father's love, not because he didn't do anything wrong.  He broke the rules all the time.

What I know about Sin

Attitude and intention are more important than specific acts.  The same kind of action can be righteous or sinful depending on the intent.  There is no condemnation from God whose mercy is everlasting.  We judge ourselves to be "forgiven" through our willingness to receive grace, accepting the truth that it is not because we are holy or deserving or better than others, but just because God's love is generous and abundant and it is lavished upon us without regard for our merit.  We judge ourselves "condemned" through our insistence on self-justification and our demand that God must be "fair." If your attitude is graced and loving and Godward, our mistakes become opportunities to experience the movements of grace. Experiencing missteps within the context of grace produces trust and confidence and ....well, grace.

What I know about Grace

It is present and active whether we resist, ignore, or accept it with awe and gratitude. We experience the awfulness of evil in the world because it is so out of character with the overwhelming imprint of grace everywhere present in nature and in human beings.  God is pouring out grace on everyone, all the time.  She is like a mother who can not but love her child.  

What I know about Love

Letting our life belong to another is the very best preparation for living well and for dying well.  Living and dying are really about letting go. Jesus said if we try to save our life we'll lose it, but if we lose it we will gain a life that is boundless.  Loving is about letting one another be, so that we can all become.  We can't change our beloved into the person we would like them to be.  We are mid-wives attending one another's continual birth.  We are there to cradle one another as we ever come forth from the womb of God.  

What I know about Prayer

After all of the words and posturing is past, prayer is all about letting the emptiness inside be empty. We are scared to death of it and will do almost anything to avoid it.  Within that emptiness we can rant and rave or be still.  But whether we resist or surrender in the end of prayer we face the abyss and are surprised to discover that we do not parish.  We discover that we are safe to flail about in the emptiness.  We know that all is vanity, but that our vanity is okay too. We find that our successes and our failures are equally infinitesimally small in the vast emptiness at our core.  But as we clear out this space, God is there.  God was always there, but as we empty our heart of all else, all that is puffed and grandiose, and all that is shriveled and shameful, all that can be released, the one who remains is The One, the only eternal One who cannot be absent but is paradoxically most present in our emptiness.

What I know about the Bible

There is a difference between fact and truth. History and Scientific facts can disguise and distort the truth, and myths and legends can reveal it. The Bible is to be listened through more than listened to.  It is the finger pointing to the moon; not the moon itself.

What I know about Obedience

God is beyond time and space and our measurements of days and years and life spans and big and small and important and insignificant.  God is so beyond our measurements that even our assessment of saint and sinner are meaningless to Him.  When we do little things "for the love of God" as Brother Lawrence did, we can hear his voice saying, "Thou art my beloved son upon whom my favor rests."  He hears our prayers and harkens to our cry even when it sounds like, "God damn it!"  He hears the primal origin of such a cry in the desperation of the heart.  By obeying God in the small things of life and offering unto God even our sin, we leap beyond the approval or disapproval of those around us and find freedom.

What I know about Religion

God is omnipresent and that Presence has spoken and continues to speak to each and every listening heart. All religions are imperfect attempts to grasp the mystery.  And they are all pleasing to God who understands what we mean, more than what we say.